How can P be friends with someone like M? He seems to have no redeeming features. He adores getting people paranoid and revels in finding out gossip about people. I am one of his favourite people to torture because i'm so gullible and terrible at standing up for myself. He's been doing it since year seven, and yet every time i forgive him and believe he's changed. He is so smug and arrogant! How can someone so smug be so popular? How on earth has he managed to trick someone into being his girlfriend?

Earlier today, presumably with some intention of getting me into a state of paranoia so i'd mess up my exams, (Am i overreacting? Probably. It didn't work, anyway. General Studies is impossible to mess up that completely.) he told me "I know your secret." I asked him what he was talking about, but he wouldn't say. Not that i expected him to; i know too well for that. Later, though, he decided he would drop hints at it, and i'm pretty sure the 'secret' he refers to is about my feelings for J, who, as we well know, i am completely fine and happy about now. Still he and his sources evidently don't. And it sounded like he knew about E, too. He was talking about all this on the train, with someone else there too, never being direct about it, just saying enough to make it clear to me that he knew my secret and could, he thought, make things very uncomfortable for me. I don't really mind that, as everyone i care about knows everything important and i could hardly care less what anyone else thinks. And i'll hardly see any of them again anyway. It was later, when he and this other person where discussing homosexuality in general.

They started off talking about P, who is "not like other gay people. He's a real geezer". (The implication being it that is somehow good to be a 'geezer'(I was right there! Right there and he openly insulted all gay people bar one!) (Actually, in my bitchiest moments i wonder if this is why J likes P; he's the closest he can get to a straight boy. Naturally i don't actually believe that.)) The then moved on to talk about the 'shocking' number of gay people in our school. M was able to name seven in our year, saying this was close to the average of one in ten. i disagree, however. There are between a hundred and hundred and twenty people in our year. That's hardly comparable. He then moved on to naming everyone he could in the school (Incidentally, 'gay' can apparently be taken to mean homosexual or bisexual.). He got eleven. One of whom was J. I was very annoyed by that, actually. I realise he might not have known that J is not out, as he had answered to M's question once so frankly, but still... At least he didn't know J's last name.

And then they moved on to that bizarre idea of homosexuality somehow being engendered by the environment of a boys school. "It's because you're surrounded by us." the other one argued. I, unfortunately, had to get off the train before i could demonstrate how patently ridiculous the very idea is. But i really don't understand how they could believe that, especially having just 'proved' that numbers of gay people in our school were below average. It's just typical, really, of the arrogant attitude so many straight people seem to have towards gay people, assuming we must be attracted to every single one of them. It's true, there are a lot of good looking boys at my school, but i don't really think any of them are likely to turn one to sodomy. And i hardly think that i've only become the person i am in the last seven years of my life. That idea is just such nonsense, and i have no idea what to say about it. I've run out of things to say altogether.