Wow. P can be so very condescending when he tries to make me feel better. I'm sure it can't just be me. I shall, as i so like to do, reproduce our conversation (Why, for greater objectivity on the part of the reader, of course!).

P: I know it's the stereotypical question, but how are you? Don't tell me 'fine'. Give me an in-depth analysis.
Me: Jealous. Glum, peeved, wishing that back when it seemed i might have had a chance with [J] i'd taken it, so at least i'd have a better idea if i'm in love or not. Annoyed at myself for not being happy for my best friend. Annoyed at myself for making everything into a tragedy. Happy, because i can never stay sad for long and i'm listening to good music. Erm... there's more, but i cant remember it.
P: [J] can carry on being your best friend, just as [P's best friend, M- not a person i particularly like (for different reasons)] is mine...
Me: Aaw, its so nice of you to say that. [Please say the sarcasm there was completely obvious. I wouldn't even ask, but i'm not sure he picked up on it]
P: By the way, I have extremely strong feelings for [M] but don't fancy him. If you don't fancy [J] perhaps it's exactly the same way
Me: Shut up!!! I dont need you trying to make me feel better! You are absolutely no good at it!!! You just get me annoyed, and perhaps that's deliberate, maybe youre trying to rile me out of whatever slump i'm in, but let me enjoy my feelings for [J], whatever and however unrequited they may be.
P: [inserted eye-rolling smiley (you know, the kind of thing that, applied to a woman, might be accompanied by "moody bitch" or some comment about "that time of the month")]

Tell me, tell me i'm not alone in finding his attitude frankly insulting. What say-so has he over whether or not J is my friend? What did that have to do with anything? I'm completely satisfied that J will stay my best frined, but that was irrelevant. It's as if he'd decided how he was going to respond before he'd even read my answer, as if he'd only even asked as a matter of politeness.

I might have made it clearer, I suppose, that all this was said after both he and J had returned from their (I suppose i shall have to say it, but with reluctance.) date in, as the locals call it (Can you hear me sneer? I should certainly hope so.), 'town'. And, much to my chagrin, it seems the thing went rather well. He's made me feel better about not liking that, aswell, which is good. They "would have kissed if the cinema wasn't so full". They "held hands and he made sure i was happy and he stroked the side of my face". Rather a lot of me wishes he had been horrible and it had all been terrible, but i'm forced to admit they may be in love. Which leaves me no option but to smile ruefully and publish this.