Darn. I wasn't meant to be able to blog tonight, not before the early hours of next morning. Instead, i was meant to be out having things happen to me again. I was meant to meet up with a girl i'd met at the LGB (I've decided, crappy as it is, she will be UY, the other girl i talked about UR, and my new boy to dote on UE. (The letters are all from their first names somewhere, as i don't know anybody's last names, never mind their middle names. The E of UE is deliberate, of course, to remind me, if nodoby else, of previous obsessions of mine and hopefully thereby to act as a sort of warning to myself, too.)) to see Lost in Translation. I haven't yet seen it and she assures me it's very good. As she also loves Amélie and Belleville Rendezvous i'm inclined to trust her. The conversation had gone something like this, on Tuesday: (I was by this point sufficiently drunk that i could volunteer myself.)

She: "Who'll come with me to see Lost in Translation with me on Thursday?"

Me: "I will!"

And so it was decided. I'm not sure if anyone else was to come, but we were meant to meet at the union a little before. Then, earlier today, UL texted me to ask if i would like to come out with her to the union's Thursday night event. I replied that i would like to, after the film, and we agreed that we would meet up. When, at ten past seven i arrived to buy tickets for both events and withdraw money from a cash point i discovered that both were sold out, meaning i couldn't meet up with either of them. Well, i could, but we wouldn't be able to do anything. I told UR, but i'd no way of contacting UY. Hopefully i will see her again, though, and be able to apologise. On Saturday i know UR is going to "the Big Gay Pub Crawl", and i think i'll go too. Hopefully UY will be there. And i don't think it's too much to expect that UE may be there. Probably still won't be able to speak to him or anything though. And a little gazing, (Leering?) both subtle and less so, will be inevitable.

Once i'd realised my evening was not to progress as hoped i set off home. Still, my day was redeemed slightly when, on reaching the front door, a girl i'd met a few days previously asked if i was gay. I answered truthfully. She said that the other day she'd had her gaydar (Still don't like that 'word'.) on and that she was gay too. I was pleased about this. I do like it nowadays when people can tell i'm gay, and it was good to know that there was someone else in the same building. It'd be nice if there were more, but statistically, two in twenty six doesn't seem far off. She asked if i'd been to any LGB meetings. I, feeling it to be in a way my duty to recruit as many people as possible who aren't P, said that i had, and that i'd enjoyed it. When i asked if she'd come another time, she said to come knock on her door next time i was going. I'm a bit nervous to, actually, but it would be rude of me not to now. Besides, she seems nice, if rather scary. She said she hadn't much confidence, and that was why she hadn't much confidence. I countered that i hadn't either, (And actually, she seems more confident than me, though i didn't point that out.) but that i'd still gone. Still, without trying to be P-like about this, it did seem as if she wasn't entirely a happy individual. I think she's the girl who i saw before with a series of deep cuts on her arm, much more horrific than anything i've ever been brave or upset (Or weak, or stupid) enough to do to myself. And she mentioned that she was impressed with herself for not having had anything to drink until four in the afternoon. It was obbvious merely from my face that i didn't really find this much to be impressed with; i'm afraid i might have seemed a tad reproachful. Still, i'm not going to try be 'helpful' for anything, because such hypocrisy can be darned annoying and she wouldn't care enough about me for what i say to carry much wait. Besides i'm acting my part of the ingenuous and confused naïf, (Never entirely a lie.) so it simply wouldn't do for me to go round dispensing advice, whether or not it be (OOH! Subjunctive! (I'm almost certain.) Hurrah!) any good.

I sent an e-mail today to the LGB society. I didn't really have any good reason, i think i just wanted to show that there's more to me than just a mess of low self confidence. (Entirely different to the low self-esteem of which P accused me, of course.) Yes. Now they can see i'm a mess og low self confidence WITH a tendency towards obsessive hatred and brackets. I'd probably have been much better off leaving them to form their own opinions, but the thought of UE reading my words rather appeals to me, although i think it's likely that he won't be the one reading the incoming e-mails.