I am a tad drunk. Most likely not enough for this entry to be much different from any of my others, either in style or content, but i do seem a little more prone to spelling mistakes. Well, typing errors. Naturally i never make spelling mistakes. That would never do. Spelling's always been about the only thing i was good at. I even used to correct my teachers.

I am drunk at the house of a friend. W, as he has so far (Rather infrequently, though) been called. I am drunk on alcopops, as i refuse to drink beer and its ilk, although that's at least partly so as not to stray from my stereotype. J drinks beer though, and likes it, and disdains the drinks i drink. It's disgraceful behaviour, really it is, for a boy of fifteen. Not that he really drinks much. I do get jealous, though, of the people he gets drunk with and those with whom he has important discussions over, say, a game of ping pong. I've never had a heartfelt discussion with J over a game of ping pong and in my mad little obsessive mind i don't see why anyone else should get to. It's not as if i'm even very good at ping pong. I'm not even sure whether to hyphenate it or not.

I'm wearing my hair in a style i've never ever used before. It goes down as it normally would, pretty much straight, to a certain point, and then suddenly there are lots of flicks. It looks a bit silly, really, but i rather like it, despite the fact that it looks more like it belongs on someone to whom one would normally apply the word 'bumpkin'. It only happened because when i stepped out of the shower i shook it like a dog and the flicks just appeared. I decided i liked them and sprayed some gelly stuff on. The hairstyle's a bit of a joke really. I often do that. Try to disguise the fact that i know i'm a joke by making a specific part of myself even more ridiculous. That way there's a sort of complicity in the mocking. I get (Or i used to get) mocked either way. Like this there's a sense that i've made a joke. Of course, it's not really like that any more. At least i hope not.

It saddens me, it saddens me an awful lot, that i will hardly ever see J from now on. I'll talk to him online, of course, but that isn't the same. The Ace Crew always used to stand around by the flowerbed in the quadrangle, and i'll never be part of that any more. The Ace Crew is dead. I know this because there can be no Ace Crew without me. Of course there can't. That would be madness, (I'm so terribly possessive, i hate it, i really do. But there's nothing i can do.) the Ace Crew is nothing without me.

Someone else got to be drunk with J! I want to be drunk with J! It's not fair. We could talk for hours and hours about anything anhd everything and it would be wonderful. We would talk about boys we like and he'd make me feel like so much more than i am, like he always does, and i would... I don't what i could do for him, but i'd try all the same to make it worth his while. And i would play music i like and he like it too, lots, and we would dance to it (like loons on loon tablets) and eventually i'd get to hug him, though perhaps not claim this kiss i made him promise me. Who knows. But without doubt it would be completely wonderful and magnificent and he would love me all the more for it. And at the end of it all i would somehow end up finally winning E over and convincing him to love me and it's all a wonderful fantasy that will never, ever, not ever, come true. Not that that can stop me enjoying anything. I still enjoy a long and blissful future with E from time to time.

I think my drunkenness may well now be giving way to the reflective sadness it has slid into once before. I should, perhaps, go join the other two (W and A) before i get too sad. But i still have a little to say, so not yet.

I think i may be a cat person again. I used to be, i used to adore this cat someone had, and it really liked me too, but i've hardly socialised with a cat since. Today, however, i have. It's really a lovely cat, apart from the eyes, which are downright scary. They seem to have almost nothing in the way of pupils, not even the usual vertical slits. And they are this odd milky green, which make it look really, well, blind. But i spent ages stroking it at the same time as i was reading aloud the Just So Stories. I enjoyed it and i think he did too. Not that i'm any judge. My hand now feels a bit greasy and dirty, but it's a small price to pay. I can imagine E with a cat. Actually, i think i can imagine E as a cat aswell.