I think i'm vaguely superstitious. Well, i am superstitious, really. While i do know it's all complete nonsense, i still vaguely believe stuff too. Only some things. I still try catch fairies and wish on them. Fairies, of course are those seedy things that float around. There seem a lot of them around at the moment. I generally wish for the same thing. I wish for E to fall in love with me. But no fairies going to get round me, oh no, i've read the Arabian Nights (Well, a few of the stories), so i also wish myself in love with him (because i'm still not sure of my feelings) but i also wish that we both knew the others feelings and could act on them somehow. Putting so much thought into it suggests, does it not, that i do believe it. Yet i know it is a load of nonsense. How can a seed have any effect on my relationships?

And if my horoscope happens to be around i'll read it and normally start doing that thing where you twist your life so it fits what the horoscope says. Every time i read a description of a cancer, even though none of them match each other, i normally decide there's enough in there to say it constitutes an accurate description of myself. It's not just that, though, i make up my own superstitions too. Really really bad ones. I don't do it so much any more, but i used to be terrible.

When i couldn't sleep tonight i used to think that if i simply tried hard enough i could communicate with E telepathically. Well, i'm not sure how much i actually believed it, but i tried it all the same. For ages and ages i kept that up. I still sort of do now, but these days i do recognise that all i'm really doing is talking to myself. And this way i get responses too, even though they are just imaginary.

Also, i used to (Now this is a good one.) tear up bits of paper and write "I love [E]" and "[E] loves me" on them. I did a lot of that. I used up entire A3 sheets like that. It didn't, as you may have guessed work. I'm not sure what it was meant to do, but it didn't do it, of that i'm sure.

I've always (Well, for a long time.) found this stuff interesting. Superstitions, folklore, mythology and the like. I even started to read James Frazer's The Golden Bough. I didn't come anywhere near finishing it. My abridged (ABRIDGED) edition is eight hudred and fifty pages long. I think it was originally published in about thirteen volumes. But i remember reading one thing in there, in the chapter on Contagious Magic. He talks a lot about various beliefs along the lines of what we generally just associate with voodoo, the whole pins in dolls thing. He mentions people who believe that a the placenta a child is born with can be used to exert great influence on them, or that the sword used to inflict a wound will then have some sport of spiritual connection with the wound. He then goes on to talk about beliefs from all over the world concerning footprints, including this one: "Among the South Slavs a girl will dig up the earth from the footprints of the man she loves and put it in a flower-pot. Then she plants in the pot a marigold, a flower that is thought to be fadeless. And as its golden blossom grows and blooms and never fades, so shall her sweetheart's love grow and bloom and never, never fade. Thus the love-spell acts on the man through the earth he trod on." I remember when i read that i really liked the idea of it and, in fact, determined to try it out for myself. I never did, in the end, as there were certain difficulties involved. One of them being that i never saw E step on anything but concrete, another that i could hardly carry round a trowel and a flowerpot with me, and another, of course, that if i had done so, that would have made me a sick and insane stalker type. I still think it's rather a lovely idea, though. It'd be nice, one day, to do that, if i could convince myself i was doing it in a sweet innocent way, rather than obsessively and stalkerishly.