I did have more worries to list about the date with Egyptian, but it's starting to look less like i'll have to. Not for remotely good reasons.

I'm teetering on the verge of one of my sloughs of despond. I'm really not terribly happy today. And i can't even really talk to anyone about it. Partly because i feel a bit silly, and i'm fairly certain this reaction isn't entirely justified, but mainly because i'm just not very good at talking about my feelings, and particularly bad at bringing up the whole subject in the first place. So my usual technique is to mope as visibly as i can, and try make sure everyone sees how down i am. The problem with that, though, is that i'm not very good at keeping in a bad mood. I think, much as i like to whine, i'm essentially a fairly cheery person. Once i'm around my friends it's a challenge to keep up a scowl for more than ten minutes, so i give up and just go for punctuating my grins with dramatic sighs. (Except not too loud, because for fear of not being taken seriously.)

So today i had a day of wandering round in town. I found another nice place to sit and be quiet and alone. I always feel so pleased to find these places. Actually, it reminds me quite a bit of my nook back in school, except less suitable for cold and wet weather. It seemed quite a good secret place, since the wall's at least waist high all the way round, and the way in doesn't look like it goes anywhere much. The graffitti proclaims that 'punx not dead'. I found somewhere to sit where there seemed to be less fresh spit. It seemed quite a good place to have a bit of a party, really, epecially in the summer, although that clearly won't actually happen outide my head. If i were a more inspirational person, or if this were a town where people were more inclined to actually have fun, perhaps, but neither of these is the case. It would have made a good place for that fantasy i talked about once on here. That fantasy that i was beginning to wonder if i might have found the other person in.

Except now i'm thinking (Not that i was ever hugely confident) that this may be less and less likely. A few days i read on facebook that Egyptian had a date with some guy in Sheffield. Not happy news. Since then my stalking has produced no word of whether or not this went well, but what he is looking for on facebook has changed from dating and relationships to just friendship. This, then, is the reason for my feelings of general shitness.

Of course, it is slightly possible that this means nothing at all, or that i still have at least some chance. He hasn't yet called off our date. For the moment, to save torturing myself, i'm going to assume that eventually he will. But if, by the time i go back home, i still haven't heard anything, i may let myself hope again.