Because why wouldn't he get bored, waiting for me. Six weeks, i'm asking him to wait for me to come back. On the promise of very little. I wouldn't wait around six weeks for me. Well i would, but only because i wouldn't be getting any better offers.

He said he wouldn't be changing his mind. I hope not. I think i do like him. I like nice, and he seems it, without the criticism so often applied to it, dull. But right now i'm not doing anything to keep his attention. He'll get bored of waiting! But i don't know what to do. I think i may be able to text from France, but neurosis gets in the way the way of that. For one thing it'd mean explaining that when i'd said i couldn't, i actually could, but chose not to because of it's being far too costly, which is now apparently not the case. For another it'd mean explain the whole thing where i have to text from my French phone, but replies should come to my English one (At the same price they'd be playing if i were still in England), which people don't seem entirely to find easy to understand.

There is also facebook, of course, but i'm really not sure of the etiquette involved. I mean, presumably you're allowed to post on the wall (facebook likes to make up silly names to make it seem not exactly the same as all the equivalent sites) of the boy you're hoping to go out wiwth in a few weeks time, but what sort of thing to post? Should i be carefully avoiding mentioning plans for a few weeks time? What if he wants to keep it all a bit secret? A date with me isn't exactly something to proudly screaming from his window. (Not that i think it's desperately humiliating either) But then, what if, in not mentioning it, it makes him suspicious. What if he thought i was embarassed? (I'm not - i blurted it out to everyone. Would have put in big letters all over the internet too, if it weren't so easy for him to find what i've written. I don't know for certain that excitement over it all would scare him off, but it seems a fair precaution to take.)

What if, worst of all, however i do (If i do - although obviously at some point i'm going to have to) contact him, he somehow reads through it all and realises quite how neurotic and worrisome i can be. That, i imagine, must be enough to scare him off.

But what if he gets bored? What if, by the time i'm back, he only goes out with me because he'd agreed to six weeks before. This would hardly be good. He could end up resenting me even more.

I want him to like me! I really do. This is the closest i've ever come, and i'm so afraid of it just petering out now. It's the closest, but i want to get closer, closer to finding an actual something, a somebody, a him.