It's the eighth today, isn't it? That means there are two weeks left until my birthday. I don't remember ever being this unexcited about my birthday. There are various reasons, other than the fact that i generally just don't want to get older and be a grown-up. I've pretty much given up on that whole Peter Pan thing, though. Especially as i seem to have turned into an old man anyway. I have spent a lot of the day either sleeping or shuffling (in a limping sort of way). I've taken to wearing what is, effectively, a cardigan. I think it might be vaguely in fashion (I squandered the good taste that is the birth-right of all homosexuals on choosing books, so i only have a vague idea about such thing.) at the moment, but that's not the point. And i am sitting hee, sipping a fruit tea (Peach and Passionfruit) which is probably about one step from coffe and rich tea biscuits. I suppose rich tea biscuits are actually supposed to be had with tea, but "tea and rich tea" doesn't sound anywhere near as good. I'm old before i've even experienced being middle-aged.

What i really don't like about my birthdays, and the same applies to Christmas, is having to make a present list. It so annoys me to think that my own family don't know me well enought o find a present for me. I wouldn't mind getting a present that i didn't hugely like if i knew that i hadn't had to ask for it first. So instead i try to think of everything i could possibly want, to make as big a list as possible, so that each is present is something of a surprise. Then, of course, mother-mine complains, saying "How many people do you think want to buy you presents." I don't think there's much point to presents at all. I enjoy giving presents, as it's an excuse to force bookks on people (I only ever give books.) but i really hate having tpo choose my own present. Still, a considered present that i'm not expecting will always make me happy.

Maybe that's why i liked the solstice so much. It had more meaning, really, than the other trhings we celebrate, and nobody had to get me any presents. Nobody else even noticed it happening, so i got to enjoy it anyway i wanted. Actually, i think the Finns have the right idea about Midsummer. (I don't really know which is which between Midsummer and the summer solstice.) They have huge bonfires and all sorts. Someone from Finland was telling me about it, and it all just sounded so cool.