I haven't commented on T and P's relationship in depth for quite a while now. Partly because i haven't really felt it's any of my business. But it is now, i feel, after an argument last night.

Since they first started going together (One must always use a slightly dated turn of phrase when one can get away with it.), things haven't turned out quite as well as we all expected. P, wasting little time to put as much pressure on J as possible, told him that he intended to spend the rest of his life with him. As a point of reference, i should make it clear that only a month before he was completely in love with S. J, unfortunately, did not, and does not, feel the same. He does not really see any future to the relationship after P leaves for university. At the time P said "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it", presumably intending that J would be won over by his magnificent personality. However, J has not been, and now seems more resolute than ever that this will be the end, refusing P's idea that they might start afresh in four years' time.

Until recently, P and i have not been on the best of terms. This is largely my fault. I found something offensive in everything he said, and all of my responses were barbed. I was horribly spiteful and i think that any insults on his part have been completely unwitting. The problem is that his unwitting insults can be quite offensive.

Aside from the one which most sticks with me, "You'd be good looking if you weren't so fat," (Ofeensive, if you need to be told, in it's implications that being good looking would be the only reason for someone to like me ad it's casual dismissal of those of us without a perfect body.) most offensive perhaps, perhaps, because it was intended as a compliment, there have been many other faux pas. So many that i've taken just to ignoring them, or even humouring him in them. So i hardly paid much attention to last night's.

P had finally watched Amélie, a film which i insist everyone watch, and asked me if i identified with her. I do, but i doubt i'm the only one. I seem to remember that half the young female population of France did at the time it came out. However, his reasons for this conclusion weren't quite right, and it was to this, on my behalf, that J took offence. P asked if i identified with her "in that she is romantic but doesn't dare to just ask him [Nino Quincampoix (The rather delectable Mathieu Kassovitz)] out, and finds other ways of dealing with it." This is vaguely true, but i was modelling myself as a male Amélie long before my feelings for E became a complete obsession. But all in all, i hadn't actually been that offended by it.

When P told J the same, though, he felt that this was belittling me, and stuck up for me. I'm pretty certain that this wasn't the only factor, but it was obviously the catalyst. So J stuck up for me and P was offended by this, ending up ignoring J, talking to him only through me. This didn't last long though. P soon left in a huff, his parting shot, said to me, "And tell him it really hurts when it is so obvious that he cares more about you than me."

Now this, unfortunately, is patently untrue. I do believe J has strong feelings for me, but not of the same type as those for P. One would think that the fact that he chose P over me when he had the chance was proof enough. I think, actually, it's really selfish of him, having me tell J how much this hurts him, when he knows i have feelings for J and that i'm jealous of him. Just as i was coming round to almost liking him again. Oh well.