What have I done? My first chance of love and I turn it down? The most important person in my life, who I love more than anyone else and I tell him it can't happen? Am I insane? I know I want this, really, I'm just too scared to let it. I said a while ago "I will die alone". Am I just so desparate to never be proved wrong that I'll screw up my life in the process? Why am I such a stubborn idiot? Not only have I ruined my chances of love, it doesn't seem to have done much for our friendship either. He just went straight offline, deliberately, in the middle of our conversation. I realise I had been a little annoyed at him, but still, why did he do that? I thought he was, well maybe not happy, I don't know tha, but I thought he'd accepted the situation. I'm such an idiot. I tried so hard to protect our friendship that I destroyed it completely.