I made a mistake earlier. He had a power cut, he doesn't hate me. He's back now and we're getting along, best friends again, it looks like it'll all be ok. I'll see him again tomorrow. We're having an Ace Crew outing to the cinema and I dont think it'll be uncomfortable. I did think it might be with P and S because I'm not sure how willing they'll be to stop meddling. I'm not so worried about that now, now I know what J has said to P: "i meant that if you weren't attatched id want you"

SEE!!!! I was right! I said nothing should happen, and I was right. He isn't in love with me at all. He's in ;love enough with P to actually define what his feelings are. I knew I was right to convince him things shouldn't happen. But between then and now I've been convinced otherwise. I've been tricked back into being in love with him. I don't know if that's why hearing about this hurts so much, or if that's completely coincidental, but it still hurts now. It took him two days to admit he might feel anything for me; it took him an hour or two decide and tell P that he wants him.

Am I being selfish? I know I'm being selfish. I can generally be pretty sure that anything I do is selfish. But this is worse. I refused to take him (It's besides the point that I was right) and now I don't want him to be in lov with anyone else. Or not with P. I didn't mind him being in love with his straight boy. I actually encouraged that really, even once I'd sorted out my feelings and told him. So why not with P? I thought I liked P. He's meant to be my friend. And the only thing I'll be able to hold against him would be if he did fall in love with J too, because he's still going out with S. But I don't think he would do that.

This shouldn't be hurting this much! I'd promised myself and J not to be in love with him. I can't do this now. It's killing me and it's playing around with other people's emotions too.