I'm stuck in Aldridge right now, and i hate it. There are two places in want to, much better, more exciting and interesting places, and i feel like the longer i'm stuck back here in a backwards place, (backwards in the same that it was a BACKWARDS step to return, not in the sense that they murder gays or whatever.) the more the other places slip away.

Le Mans is becoming less where i want to be, partly for external reasons, but mostly because of the way my stupid head takes these external reasons and twists and distorts them until i can only think depressing things, and things that really are unfair to other people, because i apparently have trouble trusting people to not be awful.

In a similar vein, i have apprehensions about going back to Sheffield, but in this case because i worry it doesn't want me back, not because i don't want to go. It's all part of my silly rules and protocols and not impinging on other people, which ends up meaning things like i have to wait for someone to say they want to see me about five times before i'm willing to believe them and not just think they're being polite. And it means asking to go visit people can be horrendously awkward, and so i end up putting it off until it's too late anyway.

IE THIS WEEKEND. I wanted to go to Climax, but don't have anywhere to stay. And i couldn't bring myself to ask till just about yesterday, meaning that when both off the people i asked said they couldn't i had no further options.

Anyway, yes. I want to go back to Sheffield, but i worry everyone there will have moved on and won't want to be friends with me anymore, or that they will even have moved on in a more literal sense and won't be there for me to be friends with at all. Plus, of course, there is the fact they i may even RIGHT NOW be fucking up my chances of getting in. (If i haven't already screwed myself over with that 2:2)

All this worrying, though, could be got rid of, at least for a while. I'm just bored, really. I need to go out, except most of the time there's no one for me to go out with, and when there is i always seem to be too busy. SIGH.

Last time i did go out, though, was a lot of fun. They played Deceptacon AND Burn Don't Freeze, so that was fantastic. Plus, my new crush was there, which was exciting. His name's Ptolemy. (Except obviously it isn't really. This is what i call him for now. (And for ever, probably)) He's cute and awkward (Which is hot, obviously) and has been wearing floral shirts the last two times i've seen him. (That plural is a bit of a lie. I think it was the same shirt both times.) I tried to smile at him last time, but who knows what i actually managed. Anyway, my new resolution, if i actually manage to keep up blogging, is LESS BOY TALK, especially when it's just "He's so dreeeamy" over and again while never getting anywhere with them, (Ptolemy isn't actually dreamy, though. Dutch Boy was, last year, but Ptolemy is yet to scale those heights) so that's enough of that!

I did actually see a few of the people i'm worried about last time i was up, and it is true that they didn't seem to hate me, and were in fact quite pleased to see me, so i am perhaps giving up too soon.