Oh my giddy God. I'm far too excited to tell all this chronologically, so you'll hear about the last few days rather disjointedly.

The phrase currently buzzing around in my head keeps being changed changed. It should most certainly not be “I can't believe i kissed Jake Shears,” because that is untrue. What it should be, and what it started as, is “I can't believe i hugged Jake Shears.” That is not true.

For yes, tonight was the night of my long awaited jaunt to see the Scissor Sisters in concert. Roughly ten hours ago i turned up at the Royal Albert Hall. I'd arrived from Sheffield at around a quarter past two, and had spent the intervening time finding my hotel, cleaning myself up, getting and getting slightly wet on the way to my closest tube station.. At the Albert Hall, after some fiddling with my phone, i found the girl i was supposed to meet up with, (I think that’s how she’s customarily been referred to.) and soon proved that i was as reticent as promised.

Eventually, we were admitted to the actual part of the Hall where the performance would take place. We ('We' being actually quite a few people – all except me at their most recent gig of many.) were at the beginning of the queue when the doors opened, and secured places at the very front (the VERY front) of the auditorium. We were able to hang over the barrier, slightly less tiring, i'm sure, than having to stand completely unaided. The concert was pretty much on time, as far as i could tell, and eventually, after two support acts, (Actually rather good. I intend to investigate Le Tigre at least a little.) an interval and a DJ (Twice - one at the start of each half.) the Scissor Sisters came on.

The stage was, by this point, hidden by a huge white curtain. The intro to Electrobix (Rather scary, as introductions go.) came on at the same time as their silhouettes appeared on the back of the gauzy curtain, which soon fell, as they started Laura.

It was utterly amazing. I sort of remember which songs were played and in what order, but i'm not terribly inclined to share this information. I do remember that they played their versions of Franz Ferdinand's Take Me Out and i liked it a lot more than last time i heard it.

And Jake, Jake Shears, was utterly gorgey. I've seen pictures of him before, and briefly on TV, but this time i saw him in the flesh. Within spitting distance. (Assuming most people to be able to spit further than me.) And absolutely stunning. He wore this suit which i thought at first was gold, but after a while decided was more brassy in colour, made of what i think (I'm not great with fabrics.) was lamé. The trousers were so tight as to make the breath catch in your throat and the jacket (I forget if it was armless and was therefore, technically, a waistcoat.) was hardly there. It came only halfway down his back (Revealing, to my leering delight, two symmetrical muscles above the waist which would go on to form... the tops of his legs.) and exposed almost his entire chest, perfectly sculpted and lightly haired as it it. I could not take my eyes off him.

All previous obsessions have had to be cleared out. (Not loves – J's still trapped firmly in here.) No more fantasising about E! (Though i had already pretty much stopped.) No more (For the moment) stalking UE (Although i have done rather well. I haven't followed him since the last time i reported on my infatuation apart from one day (purely, i swear, by coincidence) our paths crossed many times.) For now i think only of Jake.

I can't remember the last time i lusted like that. There was little stirring in the region of my groin, but the rest of me felt quite inclined to swoon. Actually, seriously, to swoon.

I wanted desperately for him to notice me, for him to look at me and see me, grinning loonishly at him, clapping. Unfortunately, everyone else wanted the same and being in the front row is still not guaranteed to get you noticed by the most gorgeous man in your universe.

And so the show went on, with me gazing endlessly at Jake, my eyes as deep as i could get them. (Twice now my eyes have been described as deep. This really means nothing to me, and i've no idea what it means to them, but it's a compliment all the same, and sounds nice.) He's well known for his exhibitionism and the jacket was eventually discarded, (Briefly replaced by an immense feathery thing for Comfortably Numb, but that soon went too and he wore nothing above the waist.) making it even harder not to leer at him. I gazed and i gazed and i gazed.

The concert was absolutely incredible. But that wasn't all.