My life's dull, so a quick resume before I get on to things that concern really me.

France was good hard: lonely, but good. Didn't get on with the food, but I'm not a foody person, I didn't expect to. Threw up on the mountain (or mountain range) where half of the French resistance was slaughtered, heard almost no music the entire time (my CD player broke, and Frenchy "doesn't like music"), met almost no one I was attracted to (fair, really, as I didn't meet anyone who was attracted to me) and without doubt, the highlight was Frenchy's little sister, who (as I decided, in the hours each night between going to bed and actually sleeping, in which I mainly constructed elaborate fantasies concerning E, my return home and how I would describe each element of my holiday (I've always wanted to be as wonderfully epigrammatically gifted as Wilde), to refer to her) was as cute as three buttons, and pleasantly insane in the way only children are allowed to be. On the way back the plane was delayed over an hour and i was not granted the enthusiastic welcome I'd hoped for (though not realistically expected) and skived the next day to finish art coursework I was later told I hadn't even missed the deadline for. So that's my life up to now.

Just before I went to France, J informed me that he thought he "may be in lust with [F]", and thought this was reciprocated. I came back to find this had developed slightly, though not much. But, this Friday, the two of them sort of arranged to, um, meet in the toilets. I don't want to be graphic, but here goes. F started wanking J off, but (he tells me) this actually caused him some pain, so they swapped, and J masturbated F to climax (aargh! the first sounded lewd, the second horrid and clinical! what to do?). J is now, or has been, quite upset about the whole thing. It isn't really what he wanted, and F's lack of romanticism (they didn't kiss or anything)didn't help. I feel really sorry for J, because I really think he and I make up the more romantic (and, in fact, stalkerly- are the two connected?) part of the Ace Crew. I do, of course, side more with him. Because he's my best friend, because that's how I'd feel and because I don't hugely like F (can't I like anyone for long periods of time? I'm a horrible person).

The only other thing of any interest also involoves J. I had two tickets for Matthew Bourne's 'Play Without Words' and I decided to invite my best friend. He is younger than me, he's in year ten, and I'm not attracted to him. I have worried sometimes about this sort of thing, but I really don't think I am a paedophile (I think it's because, no matter what anyone says, there's always the idea of homosexuality being some sort of deviancy and so naturally you start making this sort of connection, even about yourself. And I have thought, um, young people attractive, but not been attracted to them. And I don't feel evil. And I know I could never assault someone, underage or not. This is hard to say so publicly). But, it seems J's father may think I am. Apparently, he went to our school and was 'groomed' (apparently, grooming is where an older boy takes a shine to a younger, and puts him into positions where he feels uncomfortable and obliged to do things. Old man J's experiences arent so severe, apparently, but people took a shine to him), and, naturally, is concerned for his son. Especially as they do suspect (gaah! need better verbs! it isnt a crime! (any more)) his sexuality. But it does hurt, to be accused like that. But he says they've been reassured.